Here at Key West Jokes.com, we love jokes of all kinds, including Cat Jokes! Key West has famous cats who have 6 toes. They are called "Hemingway Cats", because they live at the Hemingway House, where Ernest Hemingway lived when he call Key West his home.

From: Aimee Darmer - Did you hear about the cat with a broken leg who does math? He puts down three and carries one.

Nancy Carson posted this on the usenet
A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother mouse puffed up her lungs and went, "Woof! Woof!" The cat turned tail and ran.
With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settled and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children, "Now, what is the lesson from that experience?"
"We don't know," the baby mice squeaked.
"It is this," said Mom Mouse. "It's good to know a second language"

Daniel D Van Hoy posted this one on the usenet
I got this joke from my teacher:
Just think: When you drop a cat from a few feet, it lands upright
Also think: When you drop a piece of buttered bread, it lands with the buttered side down
Now think: If you strapped a piece of buttered bread to the back of a cat, which would land first.

Darren Chng posted this on the usenet
A woman telephoned a veterinarian and asked him to come examine her cat.
I don't know what's wrong with her," the woman told him. "She looks as if she's going to have kittens, but that's impossible. She's never been out of the house except for when I had her on a leash."
The vet examined the cat and said there was no question about her pregnancy.
"But she can't be," protested the woman. "It's impossible."
At that point a large tom cat emerged from under the sofa.
"How about him?" asked the vet.
"Don't be silly," answered the woman. "That's her brother."

How To Give a Cat a Bath Joke

Instructions on how to wash your toilet (as written by The Dog)

1. Put both lids up on the toilet and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the loud noises, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the here and the front door.
7. Standing behind as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out out, streak through the room and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

DOES YOUR CAT OWN YOU?

1. Do you select your friends based on how well your cats like them?
2. Does your desire to collect cats intensify during times of stress?
3. Do you buy more than 50 pounds of cat litter a month?
4. Do you scoop out the litter box after each use? Do you wait at the box with the scoop in your hand?
5. Do you think it's cute when your cat swings on the drapes or licks the butter?
6. Do you admit to non-cat owners how many cats you really have?
7. Do you sleep in the same position all night because it annoys your cats when you move?
8. Do you kiss your cat on the lips?
9. Do you feed your cat tidbits from the table with your spoon?
10. Does your cat sit at the table (or ON the table) when you eat?
11. Does your cat sleep on your head? Do you like it?
12. Do you have more than four opened but rejected cans of cat food in the refrigerator?
13. Do you watch bad TV because the cat is sleeping on the remote?
14. Did you buy a video tape of fish swimming in an aquarium to entertain your cat?
15. Will you stand at the open door indefinitely in the freezing rain while your cat sniffs the door, deciding whether to go out or come in?
16. Would you rather spend a night at home with your cat than go out on a bad date?
17. Do you give your cat presents and a stocking at Christmas? Do you spend more for your cat than you do for your spouse?
18. Do the Christmas cards you send out feature your cat sitting on Santa's lap? Does your cat sign the card?
19. Do you put off making the bed until the cat gets up?
20. Does your cat eat out of cut crystal stemware because you both watched the same commercial on television?
21. Do you microwave your cat's food? Prepare it from scratch?
22. Do you climb out of bed over the headboard or foot board, so you won't disturb the sleeping cat?
23. When you are preparing to leave for the day, do you seek out each cat and inform them of your anticipated return time?
24. Do you sleep with no pillow under your head, because the cat wants to sleep on it?
25. Do you stand at the computer because the cat is sleeping on the chair?
26. Do you you make sure there's plenty of kitty litter in the house, even though you may run out of toilet paper?
27. At the store, do you pick out the cat food before you pick out anything for yourself?
28. Do you go to sleep sitting up in bed because you were reading and the cat is curled up on your lap asleep?
29. Does it always take you longer than expected to read a magazine, because the cat keeps curling up on it while you're reading?
30. Do you frequently leave your dresser drawer open when you leave for the day, because the cat jumped into one of them and is asleep in one of the drawers?
31. Is the only comb you can find in the bathroom a flea comb?
32. Do you cook a special turkey for your cat on holidays?
33. Does your cat "insist" on a fancy Sunday breakfast consisting of an omelet made from eggs, milk, and salmon, halibut, or trout?
34. Do you have pictures of your cat in your wallet? Do you bring them out when your friends share pictures of their children? (Pollsters claim that 40 percent of cat owners carry their pet's pictures in their wallets, by the way)
35. When people call to talk to you on the phone, do you insist that they say a few words to your cat as well?
36. Do you accept dates only with those who have a cat? If so, do you eventually double-date with the cats to see how they get along?
37. When someone new comes to your house, do you introduce your cat, by name, to them?
38. Do you keep old, empty pizza boxes on the counter instead of throwing them away, because the cat likes to sleep in it?

How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?
They never cry over spilt milk!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
A sourpuss!

How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
They both wear stripes!

Why was the cat so small?
Because it only ate condensed milk!

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?
'Pleased to eat you.'!

There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left?
 None. They were all copy cats!

What is a cat's favorite pudding?
Chocolate mousse!

Who was the most powerful cat in China?
 Chairman Miaow!

Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house?
Because she heard fowl language!

What cat purrs more than any other?
Purrsians!

How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters?
C-A-T!

What does a cat call a bowl of mice?
A purrfect meal!

What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny!

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
'Let us prey.'

What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
A Peking Tom!

What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?
A catastrophe!

What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws?
 An acrocat!

What do you call a cat wearing shoes?
Puss in boots!

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
There was some money in the kitty!

What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese?
He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath!

What noise does a cat make going down the highway?
Miaooooooooooooooooooow!

What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?
A catameringue!

On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!

A cat's dictionary

• Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
• Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
• Purranoi The fear that your cat is up to something.
• Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
• Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
• Purrson: A male kitty.
• Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

How do you know when it's raining cats and dogs?
When you step in a poodle!

What do cats like to eat?
Mice cream!

What do cats like on their hot dogs?
Mouse-tard!

Whats a cats favorite fish?
Catfish

What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice-crispies!

What does a cat read?
CAT-alogs!

What is a cat's favorite song?
Three blind mice!

What kind of car do cats drive?
Cat-illacs!

What's a cat's favorite color?
Purrrrrrple!

What do you get when you cross a cat, a dog,and an A+?
Paws-itively purrr-fect!

What do cats call their grandfather?
Grandpaw!