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Duck Jokes
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Here at Key West Jokes.com, we love jokes of all kinds, including Duck Jokes!

Q: Why did the duck cross the road? A: To get to the other side.
- <->
- Saturday, September 13, 2008 at 16:31:34 (EDT)

A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

What kind of weather excites a pet duck? Fowl weather.

What does a Duck like to eat with soup? Quackers

What do you call a create of Ducks? A box of quackers.

Why do ducks fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.

Which side of the Duck has the most feathers? The outside!

From: H Goley -
A duck walks into a 7-11
Do you sell grapes here?
This is a 7-11 we don't sell grapes here. The cashier replies. The duck then walks away

The next day the duck walks into the 7-11 again
Do you sell grapes here?
I told you yesterday, this is a 7-11 we don't sell grapes. The cashier says. The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks in again.
Do you sell grapes here?
By this time the cashier is really pissed off and says; I told you we don't sell grapes. If you come in here again asking whether we sell grapes, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor. The duck walks out

The next day the duck comes in again
Do you sell nails here?
I'm sorry this is a 7-11 we don't sell nails here. The cashier replies; Oh, do you sell grapes then?

A motorist in a Mercedes was driving through the countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, having a lovely time, when he came to an area of the road that was covered with a rather large puddle of water from a previous rain storm. Worried that he was going to damage the car and its engine in the deep water, he asked a local farmer (who just happened to be standing near the large pool of water) how deep the water was. "Arr", said the local farmer "That water only be a few inches deep!" Relieved, the motorist edged his car into the water, expecting to come out the other side in no time. Instead, as he drove in, the water came right up the side of the car, and the engine sputtered to a halt. Sitting there with the water along with and a floating weed lapping at the window, the motorist yelled at the local angrily: "I thought you said this water was only a few inches deep!!!" "Well", replied the local farmer "It only come up to the waist of them there ducks!"

A duck hunter was out one day having no luck. He hunted the whole morning and couldn't get a single kill. On the way home he approached a farm house and flying over the barnyard was a big flock of fat mallards. Seeing his last chance for success, he took aim at what looked like the biggest one and gave it both barrels. The duck fell from the sky and landed in the middle of the barnyard.
As he neared the barnyard and the dead duck, the hunter could see he'd got himself a beauty. But when he was a mere 20 paces from the duck, a farmer emerged from the barn, scooped up the duck and headed for his house.
"Hey!" said the hunter. "Come back with my duck!"
"Your duck?" returned the farmer. "It was laying in my barnyard. MY duck."
"No! No! You don't understand! I shot it and it just happened to fall here. It's mine!" shouted the hunter.
"Okay, city fella. We'll settle this the country way." said the farmer.
"Country way? What's that?" said the hunter.
"We take turns hitting each as hard as we can," said the farmer. "Last man standing wins the duck. That is, unless you're yella."
"Of course I'm not, " said the hunter. "Country way it is."
"Fine, " said the farmer. "Since we're on my property, I'll go first."
Hunter: "Suits me."
With that, the farmer took a half step back, steadied himself, and kicked the hunter square in the crotch as hard as humanly possible. The hunter screamed like an animal for 15 minutes. He curled up in a ball, turned 3 shades of purple and nearly died.
After a full half hour and with considerable difficulty, the hunter straighted up and gasped, "Now... my... turn"
The farmer replied: "Nah, I give up. Here's your duck."

Search Google For Health and Other Information about your
Critter. Just type in the type (Pig, Dog, cat, etc.)

Q: What time does a duck wake up?
A: At the quack of dawn!

Q: What do ducks get after they eat?
A: A bill!

Q: What do you call a crate full of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!

Q: Who stole the soap?
A: The robber ducky!

Q: What happens when a duck flies upside down?
A: It quacks up!

Q: What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings?
A: Why, that's a difference of a pinion!

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.

The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please? I'm a carpenter working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"

"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus", says the landlord.

"The circus?", the duck enquires.

"That's right", replies the landlord.

"The circus?. That place with the big tent?. With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle," asks the duck.

"That's right!", says the landlord.

The duck looks confused, "What would they want with a carpenter?"

A duck hunter was getting in his truck and a trooper pulled up and asked him, if he had a hunting license for this state. The duck hunter showed him the license, and the trooper was satisfied. But, the trooper saw another duck, and he sniffed its butt and said "This is a Kansas duck, do you have a Kansas hunting license?".

The duck hunter pulled out his Kansas license, and the trooper was happy. Then he saw a third duck, and sniffed its butt, and said "This is an Arkansas duck. Do you have an Arkansas hunting license?"

Sure enough the duck hunter pulled out his Arkansas license, and the trooper, said ok. Then he saw a fourth duck, and sniffed its butt and said "This is a Kentucky duck. Do you have a Kentucky Hunting license?" and the duck hunter pulled out his Kentucky Hunting License.

The trooper couldn't believe the duck hunter had shot this many ducks from all these different states and said, "Boy, where are you from, exactly?" The duck hunter pulled down his pants and said "Why don't you just sniff my butt and see!"