A man meets a lion. Soonly, the man prays on his knees.
"Oh... Oh.. my God. Help me... Help me, please" says the man.
The lion also prays on its knees. "Thanks, Lord, for the wonderful lunch" says the lion.

A tourist wandered into an antique shop. Picking through the objects on display he discovered a detailed, life sized bronze sculpture of a rat. He asked the old shopkeeper what it cost.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," said the shopkeeper, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replied, "but I'll take the rat."
The tourist left the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crossed the street in front of the store, two live rats emerged from a sewer drain and fell into step behind him.
Nervously looking over his shoulder, he began to walk faster, but every time he passed another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. A multitudes of rats swarmed from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands were at his heels, and as he approached the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panicked and started to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he ran, the rats kept up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions. By the time he came rushing up to a river, a trail of rats twelve city blocks long was behind him.
He hurled the bronze rat into the river as far as he could heave it. The seething tide of rats surged into the river, where they all drowned.
Shaken and mumbling, he made his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah, you've come back for the rest of the story," the shopkeeper said knowingly.
"Not exactly," replied the tourist. "I was wondering if you got any bronze lawyers?"

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.